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KFC still addictive, study finds

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NEW YORK (The Skwib) — Despite moves to eliminate the use of trans-fats from its fare, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) is still addictive.

“Yes, there is still a problem with this so-called ‘food’,” Dr. Finn Gerliken, Director of the Institute for a Widening America (IWA), told The Skwib.

The IWA and other consumer groups have applauded KFC for eliminating trans fats, though its food is still far from healthy. The double-down sandwich, for example, has 50% of a day’s recommended fat allowance, and even more of the recommended saturated fat allowance, or the equivalent of eating more than three tablespoons of butter.

“Yet it is still delicious,” Dr. Gerlicken told The Skwib. “We have run some tests in our labs, and it seems the Colonel is more addictive than ever.”

In addition to high levels of fat, most of their foods include large quantities of refined salt, MSG and pure, unadulterated (delicious) evil.

“KFC foods now have double the self-loathing effect if you do succumb to your fortnightly urge to consume their fried chicken. I had four pieces just last night, and I’m still feeling intense shame. No. Please, stop looking at me,” Dr. Gerlicken said.

KFC was unavailable for comment.

Alltop is also highly addictive. Original photo by Sam Beckwith. Originally posted October 2006.


  1. […] Avant News isn’t afraid of Dark Matter, so the role of Director of Mundane Investigation (DMI) is a natural. That will involve working closely with the Head of the Controlled Substances Committee, the Skwib, who’s planning a raid on KFC. […]

  2. The same can be said for oreos, now transfat free 😉

    Maybe next you can explain why canola oil isn’t good enough to cook with, though as far as I know it is lowest in fat with no transfat…and mother in law (aka health Nazi) had to go buy us special healthy organic brand oil…

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