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Ask General Kang: I’m sick of school, but should I go to university anyway?

Ask General KangAbsolutely! Just because you’re tired of people lecturing you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t continue to subject yourself to it for another three or four years.

Some of your Earth “experts” claim that 63 percent of all new jobs will require a degree or diploma by 2018 — just think about that for a minute. You have “experts” that can predict the future. Terrifying!

But seriously, back on my home planet, Neecknaw, I was only willing to accept graduates of my Chimp Command College for any kind of officer position. That was for all the units, except for the Gorriloid Brigade (that’s the elite group armed with broadswords and wearing Fezzes). The rank and file of the Gorriloid Brigade just can’t respect an officer unless he can tear the arms off a Premendian Arachnid Beast bare-handed, and most college graduates just don’t have the upper body strength.

That said, perhaps there are some other job outcomes that may be more intriguing than those a university education leads to. Maybe you want to work in the trades — do you know your average plumber makes more money than a suicidally depressed dentist?

I happen to know the Planet Premendian has a roaring trade in prosthetics for Arachnid Beasts; and you may know, the Kang School of Interesting Trades offers a Arachnid Prosthetics Construction certificate for only $1000. I can send it to you as soon as we get your cheque.

Next time: I’m trapped in a Mobius Strip Mall — where is the bathroom?

Alltop is trapped in a mobius of funny. Originally published in March of 2007.