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Excruciating Album Cover Art — God's Power

God's PreacherRun Satan! Mike Crain, the Katarist [sic] Preacher, is coming to kick your ass!

This is a disturbing cover. At first I thought Mr. Crain was wearing a WWII helmet, and then I realized, “oh, that’s just his hair.” Perhaps after he finishes splitting blocks of wood, he can go see “Sheena, God’s Stylist”.

Actually, if the goal is for us to take the idea that his mighty karate is the work of God seriously, then it’s not that badly designed. I especially like the way the crucifix is beaming its God Power right to the point where Crain is breaking wood (and judging from the look on his face, his articulatio radiocarpalis).

I’d actually like to hear this album. I imagine Crain crooning hymns, reciting violent passages from the Book of Exodus, and making you jump out of your chair as he finishes every track with a ear-busting hai-yah-men!

Now, you’re probably thinking, “I don’t think Jesus (the Turn-the-Other-Cheek Messiah) would approve of lethal strikes designed to crush one’s private area.” But Karate is not about destroying your opponent’s most vulnerable parts (groin, solar plexus, neck), it’s about purging oneself of evil thoughts, and self-control, and doing woodwork with your hands.

And Jesus would have approved of all of those — he was a carpenter, after all.

Alltop only works with Formica. For more excruciation, join Paul Zon at his Museum of Bad Album Cover Art. Originally published in 2007.