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Ask General Kang: Miss Manners says it has to be 97 degrees out before I don’t have to wear nylons. What do you think?

Ask General KangI think you should tell me what that is in Celsius. 35? 36?

Never mind, it doesn’t matter, because that Miss Manners is a complete bitch. How DARE she tell you what to do? I’m only offering helpful advice, but she has decrees. Well, I think you should wear whatever you want. It’s still a free country, right?

Of course, I’m not sure how long it will be a free country, particularly once I’ve got my new Cyber-Simian Strike Force up to snuff.

But you know I would never tell you what to wear, even once I’m in power. I think these sartorial decisions are the thing that make us different from the lower animals. (You know, non-primates.) That said, I do require the blue evil flying monkeys in my Air Force to wear their cute little silver helmets — for their own safety, of course.

So, I can wear white after Labor Day too?

Only if you want to look like a Russian hooker.

Alltop prefers looking like a prostitute from Belarus. Originally published in August, 2005. Seriously, check out the post number.


  1. I can’t remember the last time I wore “nylons.” I think most stockings are made from polyester now, aren’t they? Anyway, it’s uncool to wear them at all unless you just have ugly legs that need to be camouflaged. I live in FL, and I don’t think I’ve seen but 10 people in my whole 15 years here that were wearing hose, unless they were knee-highs under slacks. Much easier to just get a tan.

  2. So perhaps Russian hookers wear hose too?

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