Skip to content

Ask General Kang: Did you have the Olympics on your home world?

Ask General KangThat is a ridiculous question! I come from another planet, deep in another galaxy, on which the dominant lifeforms have evolved along a completely different track from you humans.

What are the odds that we would have a celebration of sporting excellence that happens every four years, a measure of time based on your own star, the sun, incidentally?

Do you know how improbable it would be for that to happen?  Not even to mention the cultural unlikelihood of an exact replication of your sports.  Can you imagine how badly a gorilloid would do in the 200-meter butterfly event? They’d just sink to the bottom of the pool! And just think of how horrible it would be to watch an über-chimp try to run the 100-meter — we’d scrape our knuckles to the bone.

Besides, we couldn’t afford to bribe the IOC — that shit is expensive.

Next time:
how often should you clean your Space Weasel’s hyper-cube?

Alltop is the Olympics of funny.