Well, as your own Sung Tzu said, “All war is deception,” so you’d be foolish to believe anything that I told you.
That caveat aside, I will tell you that I’m very impressed with you Earthlings, particularly your creativity; it translates into all kinds of incredible things like religion, art and corporate reward programs (and of course, your vast capability for self-deception). Did you know that Earth has the most sophisticated marketing techniques anywhere in this galactic cluster. I’m not counting the Logo Ascendency or the Branding Federation, naturally.
It’s going to be really wonderful to have all that marketing juju at my disposal once I’ve taken over the planet. I really think I’ve got something with my Über-chimp in Tutus Army, and, of course, the Gorilloids-in-Fezes Brigade. It would be especially grand, I think, for them to have a jingle.
So, you want to conquer Earth for our expertise in advertising?
Of course. You don’t think I want Earth for its water, do you? That’s just stupid.
Next time: My tinfoil helmet doesn’t seem to be blocking out the voices. Any ideas?