Clown Apocalypse: The Clownsickle

Ridi pagliaccio by Funky64

One of the worst things about the clown apocalypse was just sorting out the sick from the opportunistic psycho-killers, who used the disaster to cover their own heinous activities.

Many victims of these clown psychos, or clownsickles, as they are now known in the official history of the Clown Apocalypse, the Tome of Whiteface, were first responders: EMTs, cops and of course, the Carnie Corps.

In case you’ve lost your copy of the Tome of Whiteface, The Carnie Corps were a secret organization that had been preparing for the Clown Apocalypse since the times of Ancient Rome. (Of course, they used to be called the custodes de stercore, or keepers of the dung, in those days.) Since the times of the Circus Maximus, long had it been prophesied by the keepers that there would come a time when the buffoons would run amok, and whiteface would cover the world. Only the ancient order of the custodes de stercore would be able to stop them.

Alas, none of their carny mind tricks were a match for a pscyho-killer with a chainsaw, and the Carny Corps were devastated in the early time of the apocalypse. Who knows what horrors might have been avoided if we’d had their ancient dung-wisdom to help us?

Tragic as these early deaths were, there was poetic justice, as most of these clownsickles would succumb to the bozo virus themselves, and usually clowned themselves to death in gruesome and horrible ways. (Chainsaw juggling was by far the most common.)


Read the other parts of Clown Apocalypse: Clown Apocalypse | The Day the Laughter Died | Moments of Hilarity | Beach Happies | The European Atrocity | The Sexy Cataclysm | Buffoonibilism | The Clownsickle

Alltop is the killer clown of humor aggregators. Ridi pagliaccio, a photo by Funky64 ( on Flickr.

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