After murdering his brother for eating all the Cheetos, Bellerephon was exiled from Corinth. (A city famed for its Elvis impersonators and Class 5 Full-Roaming Vapor Ghosts.) Then his luck turned for the worse. Avoiding the mechanized Probe-a-trons sent by the King of Corinth (aka, Dad) to finish him off, the plucky psychopath found refuge at Tiryns, one of the Mycenaean strongholds of the Argolid. (Not bo be confused with the Mincemeatean strongholds of the Argolids.)
There, he was accused of attempting to rape the King of Tiryns’ wife, Antea. But the King of Tiryns did not want to kill our “hero” outright, because they’d already shared a meal together, and the gods frowned on the killing of houseguests. (Though not brothers, apparently.) So, he sent Bellerephon on a suicide mission to kill the Chimera.
Scraped together from bits of DNA in the lab of Dr. Zeus, Father of the Gods, and a thorough maniac, the Chimera had the body of a goat, the tail of a serpent, the gonads of the Epherian bull, and the head of a lion. Oh, and it breathed fire. It enjoyed terrorizing the villagers of Lycia whent it wasn’t violating unsupecting she-bovines.
Athena, who was the CEO of a major multinational that dealt in common sense, knew that this was an excellent chance to destroy the Chimera. (They’d wanted to move into the Lycian market for years, but they’re sales force kept getting incinerated before they could ink a deal.) She helped Bellerephon to saddle and tame the mighty Pegasus. (In addition to being able to fly, Pegasus was flame retardent.)
Even this marvellous steed could not save them from the firey breath of the Chimera. They were doomed. DOOOOMED!
Then Bellerephon had an idea. Using Pegasus as an ersatz dive-bomber, they approached the Chimera, and at the last moment, he threw a massive chunk of lead at the beast’s mouth. Its firey breath melted the lead, which blocked its airway, and the creature was killed!
And instead of being killed for his attempted rape of Antea, he was lauded as a hero! Oh, the sexy parties. The gold. The women. The giant swollen mellon that was his ego.
That’s when the real trouble began.
Amazon.com | Independent Bookstores | Barnes & Noble | Amazon.ca | Or get $3 off, if you buy it direct from Monkeyjoy Press. Use coupon code: YGMVFZZY.
Alltop is more of a gorgon-slaying humor aggregator.