You humans still have primitive brains, so I will try to be understanding about this need of yours to panic.
One of your wisest humans wrote a book, upon the cover of which was the phrase “DON’T PANIC”. This is excellent advice, and the first thing you must learn if you ever hope to:
- dabble in intergalactic travel
- keep your portfolio intact in times of irrational exuberance and abject, lower-primate, the-leopard-is-going-to-eat-me moments of dread.
In this period of your insignificant planet’s history, you have given a large part of your economic well being to an institution which (and let’s not gild the lily on this one) runs on the base emotions of greed and fear. So, on occasion, you will have to face the fear. But those of you who rise above it, who listen to the wisdom of your great prophet, shall evolve.
But I suspect that not enough of you will get there before my armada arrives with its legions of über-chimps, armed with hyper-kazoos and tutus.
Then it’s time for you to panic.
Next time: What does it mean when your cat beats you at chess? And should he be able to levitate like that?
More reasons not to panic here. Originally published in (you guessed it) January, 2008. It’s worth keeping in mind, though.