Derivative Python: Nudge, Nudge

Squire:
What do you mean by SLEPT?

Man:
Mooooooh, ay?. You know Squire. SLEPT.

Squire:
As in: had sexual intercourse?

(pause)

Man:
Uh, yes. I suppose that is the technical term for it.

Squire:
(pedantically)
And do you know, precisely, what that entails?

(pause)

Man:
I’m sorry?

Squire:
Have you any idea what actually happens?

Man:
Mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?
[makes rude gesture]

Squire:
(stiffly)
Yes, yes, I see what you’re doing there, but do you know what it means?

(pause)

Man:
Well, uh, no. Not actually. It’s quite embarrassing, really, a man of my age —

Squire:
Would you like me to show you?

Man:
What, with your wife?

Squire:
If you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s not like you’ve got a wife we could swap.

Man:
Uh”¦

Squire:
(mimicking)
You are interested in sport, no? You did indicate a certain ”¦ shall we say lascivious interest in sport?

(pause)

Man:
Look mate, I was just trying to see if you could —

Squire:
Tell you about sport–

Man:
With LADIES.

Squire:
Well, yes, with ladies. What did you think I meant?

(pause)

Man:
I dunno Squire. I got worried, you know. Your tone. It got a little menacing there for a moment. A bit Pinteresque, if you take my drift. And, I mean ”¦ bowler hat an all, I thought you might have gone to a public school —

Squire:
Everything I learned I learned on the playing fields at Eton!

Man:
Well, I think I’d best be pushin’ on”¦

Squire:
That’s the spirit! Shall I give the wife a ring. Tell her to uncork the scented olive oil?

[Man leaves hurriedly, knocking over table, spilling pints in process.]

Squire:
(looking wistful)
Someday, Georgie-boy. Someday.

And now for something completely better, the original:

[youtube]http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=NXMrn4R6_vk[/youtube]

There is nothing derivative about alltop. No, what’s the opposite of nothing? Yes, all. You can find a transcript of the original sketch here. Don’t forget to check the comments for a link to a lovely YouTube video of a similar ilk, but it stars Joseph Stalin! Originally published, June 2008. Mooooooh, ay!