Squire:
What do you mean by SLEPT?
Man:
Mooooooh, ay?. You know Squire. SLEPT.
Squire:
As in: had sexual intercourse?
(pause)
Man:
Uh, yes. I suppose that is the technical term for it.
Squire:
(pedantically)
And do you know, precisely, what that entails?
(pause)
Man:
I’m sorry?
Squire:
Have you any idea what actually happens?
Man:
Mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?
[makes rude gesture]
Squire:
(stiffly)
Yes, yes, I see what you’re doing there, but do you know what it means?
(pause)
Man:
Well, uh, no. Not actually. It’s quite embarrassing, really, a man of my age —
Squire:
Would you like me to show you?
Man:
What, with your wife?
Squire:
If you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s not like you’ve got a wife we could swap.
Man:
Uh”¦
Squire:
(mimicking)
You are interested in sport, no? You did indicate a certain ”¦ shall we say lascivious interest in sport?
(pause)
Man:
Look mate, I was just trying to see if you could —
Squire:
Tell you about sport–
Man:
With LADIES.
Squire:
Well, yes, with ladies. What did you think I meant?
(pause)
Man:
I dunno Squire. I got worried, you know. Your tone. It got a little menacing there for a moment. A bit Pinteresque, if you take my drift. And, I mean ”¦ bowler hat an all, I thought you might have gone to a public school —
Squire:
Everything I learned I learned on the playing fields at Eton!
Man:
Well, I think I’d best be pushin’ on”¦
Squire:
That’s the spirit! Shall I give the wife a ring. Tell her to uncork the scented olive oil?
[Man leaves hurriedly, knocking over table, spilling pints in process.]
Squire:
(looking wistful)
Someday, Georgie-boy. Someday.
And now for something completely better, the original:
[youtube]http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=NXMrn4R6_vk[/youtube]
Obviously, the inspiration for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVT9FlY_0rY
Too funny Cardinal. I love the last (lust) lines:
“And then it’s down with the trousers, out with the old chap, and come on, ladies, come on, gentlemen, come on, you trannies, fruits of the forest, satyrs, come, slide down the greasy pole of my depravity!”
Is it me or does the guy in the bowler hat look a little like Stalin?