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Please, don’t say cheese

LONDON (Ruetars) – Many British citizens are outraged to discover that they are not allowed to smile for their passport photos.

Always a dour affair, applying for a UK passport has become even more unpleasant. Officials at the United Kingdom Passport Office service have told applicants not to smile for their passport photos, so that the portraits are more easily scanned by facial recognition technology.

“It seemed, like, reasonable to me and all,” Lucy Sheppard said. “But then I discovered what it’s really all about did’n I?”

Customs officials in the US and Canada have requested that passports do not have photos of smiling Brits because of the sub-standard dental hygiene in Merry Old England.

“It’s outrageous! Just ‘cause some Yank gets all squeamish about me teeth!” Sheppard said, between clenched jaws. (Which thankfully did not reveal her baked-bean-like chompers.)

Officials in both the US and Canada were unavailable for comment, but one Customs Officer in Toronto was willing to say, off the record, “look. It’s a terrible job, and we just don’t want to have to look at bad teeth on top of it all.”

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Don’t smile for passport photos