MONTREAL (The Skwib) — A new invention has helped employers create the first “inappropriate thought” sensor.
Based on recent sexual studies showing that women get aroused as quickly as men, the invention measures the temperature of an employee’s genital area. The thermal imaging camera can measure temperature changes from a distance and relay the information to a computer for analysis.
Its patent name is “Portable and Hidden Device for Thermal Imaging of Genital Areas”, but the inventor, Dr. Shabby Fingler, calls it the “Chubby Detector”.
Though many companies are known for watching the content of employees’ email, instant messages, blogs, and web browsing, this new device is a major breakthrough.
“I’ve already had more than thirty Fortune 500 companies order the Chubby Detector,” Dr. Fingler told The Skwib. “There is a great deal of interest in monitoring employee’s sexual behavior and thoughts.”
Monetary benefits paid out to victims of sexual harassment are roughly $50 million per year, not to mention the costs of litigation and managerial time spent on such cases, so companies are motivated to prevent the behavior.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“People should assume that everything they do at work is being monitored, whether it be through e-mail, instant messages, websites, Internet, everything,Ã¢â‚¬Â warns David Zweig, a University of Toronto professor who conducts research on workplace surveillance.
Dr. Fingler is excited about the breakthrough, and is thinking of other new inventions that may be “helpful”.
“I’m working on this camera that detects bad thoughts about managers, but for some reason every time I test it, the darned thing bursts into flames,” he said.