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Can't sleep, clown will eat me

Bozo's LamentDo you suffer from coulrophobia? Are you haunted by images of that clown at your sixth birthday party — you know, the one where the clown turned balloon art into something that made your mother scream and your father inexplicably start wailing on him?

Well, you’re right to be afraid. Deep down, everybody knows that clowns are filled with a barely caged animal rage. Oh sure, it’s all dressed up in the capering, car-stuffing, and pie-flinging. But don’t be fooled by their colorful outfits and improbable hair.

They are dangerous. They will turn on you. And this song proves it:

Bozo’s Lament

I guess because my name is Bozo
I was destined to be a clown
But when I joined the traveling circus
I didn’t think that it would bring me down
Make me angry like sniper in a tower
And every Saturday
I take off my nose and say never more

Pie in my face
Five days a workweek
It’s in my face
Pie in my face
It sucks to be a clown

You can go listen to Bozo’s Lament (and read the rest of the lyrics) at Jonathan Coulton’s website. The disturbing illustration is by Jawboneradio. You should check out both of their off-beat works. You may also want to check out the clowns at humor-blogs.com.


  1. If it is for the reasons that Bozo has outlined with deepest regret then yes – being a clown is a bit of a bum deal these days. Bad times.

    But typing “Clown Porn” into the almighty Google will give you a movie classic by RAMCO Productions which features a load of clowns getting it on with nubile young actresses. Good times.

  2. Yes, clowns are funny and very threatening at the same time, but when I was young, that exactly how we saw Okies. My point: everything changes, clowns too.


    I swear to GOD this is one of my favorite posts EVER … LOL

  4. Thanks Lobo. And Quelqoth, you do realize you have now seeded “clown porn” as a keyphrase? So Grandpa, does this means there’s hope I’ll get over my coulrophobia?

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