Excruciating Album Cover Art — Mike Terry

You take one look at this and think, “Hey, I didn’t know that Terry Jones had a twin separated at birth — how ironic that they share a name and enjoy sitting at a piano in fascinating modes of dress.”

But alas, the tale is much more interesting than that. Mike Terry, is, according to this Independent article, a “cabaret artiste”. It also mentions his weight (20 stone, which is, I believe 280 pounds or 127.3 kg.), and the fact that he does a Dorothy Squires tribute act. It also mentions a reviewer who called the act “grotesque.” (And it doesn’t mention any relationship with Monty Python’s Terry Jones.)

I don’t know, Mike has kind of a sweet face, and in this picture, he’s clearly loving whatever it is he’s singing. Those sequins are pretty slimming too — I would never have guessed he’s 20 stone. Not that we should be talking about his weight at all! He’s probably thinking of all the great times he had with Dorothy (he was her rehearsal pianist) thinking: “I bet I could wear that sequined thing she’s wearing and make it look good.”

Actually, to be fair, he wasn’t thinking that, because he does not describe his act as a drag act. According to the article Mike says: “I suppose it could be described as semi-drag. It’s a unisex suit in sequins, and I’ve trimmed the edge with feathers, just to give them a hint of Dorothy. I’m portraying her, not impersonating her.”

Considering the article is 10 years old, it’s still quite impressive.

And who was Dorothy Squires?

She was a Welsh singer who seemed to be good at three things:

• singing songs that other people turned into hits
• drinking
• commencing libel actions.

She was also married to Roger Moore (the worst 007) for a few years. Apparently they argued so violently that a frightened Moore took to sleeping in the shed to avoid her. (Can you imagine Sean Connery doing that, I don’t think so.)

But according to Mike Terry, she will never be forgotten: “She’s one of the evergreen performers,” he enthuses (in the Independent article). “She’s never going to die. Well, she’s dead, obviously, but her name is never going to die.”

Brilliant. Python couldn’t have written that line better.

The Most Alarming thing about this cover? It’s volume two.

Start the year off right with some satirical fiction …

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Independent article here, and more info about Dorothy Squires at Wikipedia . Originally published in 2007 (this century, but it doesn’t really feel like it).