Hussein succeeds where Blaine fails

BAGHDAD (The Skwib) — The world was astonished to learn that Saddam Hussein managed to shatter the world record for holding his breath underwater, staying submerged for a full 12 minutes.

“Saddam has been working on his breath control for some time now,” his publicist Sylvia H. Ack told The Skwib in a phone interview this morning.

“Since his capture, he’s had lots of opportunities to practice holding his breath underwater, and he thought that while he was waiting for his court appearances, he would attempt to break the world record,” Ack said.

“Really, there was no downside. If he didn’t survive, at least he’d be remembered for making Blaine look like an even bigger idiot, and now we’ve got the public talking about something other than his human rights record.”

So, how did Hussein manage to stay underwater for more than nine minutes?

“Well, being bound and immersed in a tank of water does make the job easier,” Ack said. “He’s also had a lot of help with his training. He’d like to thank the US and Iraqi authorities for that.”

Hussein was unable to comment on his achievement, due to the extensive brain damage caused by hypoxia.

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