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Man gets decent shave with two-bladed razor

FORMOSA, Ontario (The Skwib) — This morning a Formosan mushroom farmer discovered that sometimes, old technology is the best technology.

“I was really surprised,” Marvin S. Heisthammer told The Skwib.

Normally, the resident of the quiet village in Bruce County uses the new Gillnette Octo (Ionization), but he had run out of both new cartridges and the fusion-powered ionization pumps that run the high-tech razor.

“I had an important business meeting to attend so I really needed to shave. So I used my wife’s razor, which is an old two-bladed model. She had lots of new blades, so I just threw one in there, and shaved with it,” Heisthammer said.

At first, he was afraid of what might happen, but as it turned out, the old technology turned out to be quite reliable.

“It worked, and I’ve got to be honest, I really can’t feel any difference between this shave and one with my fancy Octo,” he said, while stroking his chin in what The Skwib could only describe as an effeminate way.

“I told all the workers down at the farm, and they’re thinking about switching back.”

John Butler Hack, a spokesperson for the Gillnette corporation refused to comment on the efficacy of old two-bladed razors versus their newer eight-bladed ionization models. However, Hack did suggest that if all of Heisthammer’s workers at the mushroom farm started using their wives razors, he would “expect them all to be mincing around in the sh*t, real soon.”


  1. RP. RP.

    This is some serious Weekly World News stuff. What else do you want me to believe, that he went and bought some of those super-cheap disposable single blades?

  2. Secretary Michael Chertoff will be available for the first web conference at approximately 10:00 am Thursday morning.

  3. Wow, that old fashioned way of shaving is almost as easy as airbrushing out your beard.

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