London, Ontario (The Skwib) — The first schism within the Pastafarian religion has appeared in the sleepy Canadian city of London, Ontario, and it is led by the charismatic preacher Dr. Maximilian Tundra.
“Other worshipers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster have claimed that it is declining number of pirates that have caused the increase in global warming, hurricanes and earthquakes. In truth it is the lack of Vikings that has caused these ills, indeed, most of our problems are because we lack vikings,” Dr. Tundra, the self-proclaimed Prophet of the Pasta told The Skwib.
Tundra is an unlicensed physician, best known for his avant-garde work in the pharmaceutical and plastic surgery industries. Though he does not come from an evangelical background, Tundra has gathered an impressive number of worshipers of the Great Pasta.
“I have communed with the Great Pasta at length,” Tundra said, “and it has told me that we must produce more Vikings or the Earth is doomed. It also said that I should really reduce my peyote button intake.”
The new sect, called the Norse Pastafarians, have suggested that the false religion fell into the trap of thinking it was pirates that have caused so many disasters because they do not take a “long, historical view” of human history. They also do not believe in redundancy.
When asked if there would soon be a “mongol horde” version of Pastafarianism, Tundra ran away, shouting: “I cannot say more — the Lord has told me you are on the South Beach Diet!”
At last! Recognition of the importance of dressing as a Viking! For too long have I hidden amongst the Viking re-enactors of England awaiting this day!! I shall march with you and the hordes of Viking warriors!
Where do I sign?
It’s a movement!
I shall spread the word for you in England. May the Flying (Norse) Spagetti Monster bless you with his sauce for your insights.
Live long and pasta.