PQ decides on alcoholic campaign strategy

MONTREAL (The Skwib) — Things just keep getting stranger in the leadership race for the Parti Quebecois. Party officials have announced that for the remainder of the contest, candidates must be floor-lickingly drunk.

“We are hoping to elevate the tone of the campaign with these new rules,” Jacques Purlain, who chairs the leadership committee, told The Skwib in a boozy telephone conversation late last night.

“So far, it has not been the most dignified affair, what with the Gilbert Paquette’s antics on Tuesday and Hugues Cormier’s faux pas.”

Paquette announced his candidacy in a press conference outside a Montreal courtroom, following his own appearance on a drunk-driving charge. Cormier withdrew from the race after it was discovered he had signed up his own psychiatric patients as party members in order to get 1,000 names on his candidacy papers.

When asked about the precise level of inebriation candidates must exhibit, Purlain said, “yes, floor-lickingly drunk. They have to be really wasted. It’s the only way to recover our dignity. I may deplore Paquette’s decision to (allegedly) drive while drunk, but I do agree with him that Quebec must have the powers of a more creative and fairer society. Alcohol is a great … great equalizer,” he hiccupped.

“Besides,” Purlain added, “think about John A. McDonald. He was a drunk, and he was a great nation-builder!”

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