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Professor Quippy: A counterintuitive cannabis story

Professor QuippyResearch from the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, Canada (don’t laugh, it’s a university, and a damned nice one too), suggests that massive doses of cannabis (marijuana, pot, grass, dope, weed, etc.) can actually increase cell growth in the brain.

Wuahhhh? you say. And rightly so. My decidedly non-scientific survey of heavy pot users has shown that rather than stimulate brain cell growth, it tends to stimulate the need for cheeseburgers and twinkies. I’ve seen no evidence that it makes the user smarter.

Ah, but Xia Zhang and his colleagues in the Paris of the Praries (stop laughing), did not do their research using natural cannabis. Instead, they used a synthetic cannabinoid called HU210, and they used it on rats.

cannabisNow, these lucky Hub City rats benefited mightily from the injection of HU210 (which would be an AWESOME name for a band, btw). According to the New Scientist:

They found that giving rats high doses of HU210 twice a day for 10 days increased the rate of nerve cell formation, or neurogenesis, in the hippocampus by about 40%.

This was, of course, right before the rats developed astounding mental powers and proceeded to use their telekinesis to experiment on the scientists themselves, and their telepathy to encourage their new minions to bring them pizza. Kidding. They were euthanized. (The rats, not the researchers.)

Far from bright lights of Toontown, at some obscure east-coast diploma-mill called Princeton, neuroscientist Barry Jacobs has been giving mice the natural cannabinoid (and yes, The Natural Cannabinoids would also be a great band name), and their brain cell development has shown no changes. (In the mice, not the hypothetical band.)

I will let you draw your own conclusions, but I suspect if you’re starting a band, it may not matter.

You can read more about the actual science at the New Scientist, and another wild misinterpretation at BudFacts.com. More nicknames for Saskatoon here, and more synonyms for cannabis here.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com both tend to bogart the j. Thanks to Adrien/Salvi for the pot pic.

2 Comments

  1. It really is true. I can personally vouch for the intelligentizing effects of pot on my own brain. Just lest week when i was uh… when I was doing… when I um… I errr… I’m watching Pinky And the Brain. It’s awesome.

  2. S S

    Those smart rats are still living in their mothers basement, though, right?

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