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Rebel discovers he is 'creepy', 'weird', not cool at all

VANCOUVER, BC (The Skwib) — It seems like wearing ultra-hip clothes and driving a loud motorcycle are no longer enough to be considered cool. You have to be nice too.

This was a shocker for James Parish, a self-confessed slacker rebel who usually ignored other students at the high school he (sometimes) attends. If he wasn’t ignoring them, he was making sarcastic comments about how hard they were trying to fit in. Or worse.

“Man, was I off-base,” Parish told The Skwib. “It turns out that fitting in is cool. So is being friendly, caring and generally getting along.”

The news was delivered to Parish by Jeffrey Bukissit, class president, after the student council held a referendum on who was the coolest student at their school and who was the creepiest. James Parrish was only slightly less creepy than the “wacked dude that’s always staring at the cheerleaders in the cafeteria, while he mutters to himself,” Bukissit said.

“James [Parish] didn’t take it very well,” Bukissit added, though it was hard to tell what he was saying because of the bandage on his nose.

But Parish says he had to rethink his lifestyle when shortly after the referendum, he learned of a new UBC study backing up the student council referendum with hard scientific evidence.

Parish looked philosophical, and said, “I guess I’m gonna’ have to stop punching the other kids in the face.”

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