After murdering his brother for eating all the Cheetos, Bellerephon was exiled from Corinth. (A city famed for its Elvis impersonators and epic combovers.)
Then his luck turned. After avoiding the mechanized Probe-a-trons sent by the King of Corinth (aka, Dad) to finish him off, the plucky psychopath found refuge at the city of Tiryns, one of the Mycenaean strongholds of the Argolid. (This means they had a fortress AND indoor plumbing.)
Bellerephon wasted no time getting busy. And so, he was soon accused of attempting to rape the King of Tiryns’ wife, Antea. But the King of Tiryns did not want to kill our “hero” (we are legally obligated to use that term, even though “protagonist” would be more accurate). You see, our “hero” and the king had already shared a meal together, and the gods frowned on the killing of houseguests. (Though not brothers, apparently.) Instead, he sent Bellerephon on a suicide mission to kill the Chimera.
Scraped together from bits of DNA in the lab of Dr. Zeus, Father of the Gods (and a thorough maniac) the Chimera had the body of a goat, the tail of a serpent, the gonads of the Epherian bull, and the head of a lion. Oh, and it breathed fire. It enjoyed terrorizing the villagers of Lycia when it wasn’t violating unsuspecting she-bovines.
Thanks Zeus!
Athena, who in addition to being a god, was the CEO of a major multinational that dealt in common sense, knew that this was an excellent chance to destroy the Chimera. (They’d wanted to move into the Lycian market for years, but their sales force kept getting incinerated before they could ink a deal.) She helped Bellerephon to saddle and tame the mighty Pegasus. (In addition to being able to fly, Pegasus was flame retardant.)
Even this marvellous steed could not save them from the fiery breath of the Chimera. They were doomed. DOOOOMED!
Then Bellerephon had an idea. Using Pegasus as an ersatz dive-bomber, they approached the Chimera, and at the last moment, he threw a massive chunk of lead at the beast’s mouth. Its flaming breath melted the lead, which blocked its airway, and the creature was killed!
And instead of being killed for his attempted rape of Antea, he was lauded as a hero! (Not just a “hero.”) Oh, the sexy parties. The gold. The women. The giant swollen mellon that was his ego.
That’s when he decided to run for public office.
The End
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