From my witty and insightful Chesleyan colleague, Martin Redfern:
- Exaggerate Canadian chances of a medal. Show profile.
- Present entire competition as the story of #1.
- Don’t forget to mention all the injuries and hardships overcome: broken legs, cranial trauma, corns, nymphomaniac sister…
- Pretend to be surprised and disappointed by outcome when athlete does not win gold.
- Interview Canadian athlete and ask, in essence, “How does it feel to have disappointed your entire country, loser?”
- Casually mention any Canadian connection — no matter how tenuous — to the athlete who did win gold.
- Go to 1.
You’re being much too kind. You left out:
– In the event of any medal win that is not a gold, assume that medals have no differentiating mark so that – under NO circumstances – is anyone to know that we did not win in an unmatched act of athletic perfection.
Duly noted; and it’s the case, even if the athlete snatches defeat from the jaws of victory, isn’t it?
I was unfortunate enough to watch one of the foolish snowboarding events and the Canadian was ahead by nearly a light year and still manage to go all noodly and settled for silver.
The word ‘gold’ was not spoken for the rest of the event.
Thanks to the funnymen who are making these Olympics tolerable. I liked Ian Gillespie’s suggestion: Take the athletics out of the Olympics. One week of opening ceremonies followed by a second week of closing ceremonies. No one gets hurt.
Sounds a bit like the Superbowl.