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Translaughter #1

Persians and ramsOne of the joys of travel is getting to experience different cultures, see new places, and of course, find unintended humor in mistranslated signs. No doubt you’ve seen many of these before, but we present them with our own thoughts attached.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Well, at least I’ll only be an ugly American for a day.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

I’m definitely in France now!

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

My complaint is that your complaining hours are inconvenient.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

As long as she does it with pleasure. I wouldn’t want to be flattened and not have someone enjoy it.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Whew, chambermaid is a tough gig.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Don’t mention I’m a writer. Don’t mention I’m a writer.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Just when you thought Switzerland couldn’t get any worse.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Yes, that is convenient. But I could have dont that at home.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

I think I’ll wear a gorilla mask and slap him with a herring.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

Germany: Whatever is not strictly allowed … is forbidden!

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

I didn’t realize that amateur dentistry was such an integral part of their creed…

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Definitely not.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Sweden: where the women are either gorgeous or skinless horrors wearing really dodgy coats.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today — no ice cream.

I really need to get out of Switzerland. Even Austria would be better.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

Wow, didn’t expect to see a sign like that in a place called: Bang. Kok.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

I don’t think this is my kind of watering hole.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

They called him Ernesto the Bladder King!

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Do I really need to get so excited if a pedestrian vomits in front of me?