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Fiction Fridays: Scientific dating

are you real -- plastic lipsJeremy Butler, venture capitalist and shallow bastard, was ready for his next foray into the dating world. He’d read the latest studies, and he had a strategy.

Instead of giving lavish gifts that had material value (diamond bracelets, sports cars, fur coats and the like) he was going to spend on ‘worthless’ experiences.

He was still going to be classy. Jeremy had lots of money to blow, and he was going to blow it. But on experiences — opera, exclusive clubs, gourmet dinners — not on things.

The mathematicians had it all figured out. From their study, they showed that gold-diggers would not stick around for experiences. They would only stay for things.

That night he went out with Suziku, a cute Japanese woman who worked for Sony. It went splendidly. She was engaged by his exciting tales of venture capitalism. He adored her demure nature and lack of interest in drinking expensive champagne. In fact, Suziku didn’t eat anything. Perfect.

They arranged to go out again, and Jeremy was thrilled, at least as thrilled as his shallow soul would allow.

On the next date, he took her to the opera, and he was surprised to discover that in addition to speaking Japanese and English, she was also fluent in Italian. In fact, she translated for him, whispering in his ear at such a low level that only he could hear.

It never occurred to him that he did not feel her breath on his cheek as she did so.

This third date went even better; he walked her home and they kissed. Her lips were strange. Plasticky tasting. Was this one of those weird Japanese things — lipstick that tasted of plastic?

She invited him in; they kissed again, this time more passionately, and Jeremy thought it was odd that her tongue was completely dry. But by then, he was not thinking clearly. His shallow bastard had come to the fore, and he wanted only one thing. She led him to her bedroom, where she undressed for him, clumsily, but adorably so.

His excitement turned to fascinated horror as he gazed upon Suziku’s nether-regions; it was like he was a kid again, sneaking a look his sister’s Barbie doll. There was nothing there but smooth plastic. Suziku was some kind of advanced gynoid!

Jeremy figured would just have to make do — nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Originally inspired by:Japanese develop ‘female’ android, and more about gynoids at Wikipedia here. | Worthless dating tips. Cool photo, “Are you real” by cazucito. Yes, originally published in 2005!


  1. #95 Best of Me Symphony

    Will the international community come to the aid of those being exterminated by their own governments? In Srebrenica 10 years on, TFS Magnum looks for the United Nation’s response. Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get

  2. giggle…Every man’s dream date? 😉

  3. Just for those shallow Jeremy-types out there 🙂

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