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Ancient Egyptian Pepperpot Ladies

Organ jar[Mrs. Beset is washing her cat in the Nile, when Mrs. Knouphis enters, carrying a papyrus-reed basket, filled with jars of human organs.]

Mrs. Knouphis: “‘Allo Mrs. Beset.”

Mrs. Beset: “‘Allo Mrs. Knouphis.”

K: “‘Av you ‘eard about that Mrs. Thoth?”

B: “No Mrs. Knouphis.” [She whacks the cat on the rock and it meows plaintively .]

K: “She’s quite a hag. Beggaring ‘er ‘usband she is. She won’t eat nothin’ but lotus salad.” [K. kneels down by the river and starts unpacking the organs, which she cleans in the water.]

B: “That bitch! What’s ‘he ‘usband doin’ about it?”

K: “Well, ‘es got to make some money, don’t ‘e? The poor man’s been spending lots of evenings over at that fat priest’s house.”

B: “Oooo, not Father Reshep, the one covered in date oil at the sex temple?”

K: “The very same.”

B: “Ooo, poor Mr. Thoth.”

K: “Yes, beggaring him — buggering her husband she is.”

B: “Hmm. I don’t care for that kind of talk Mrs. K. It’s very unappealing.”

K: “Well intercourse your sense of what’s appealing Mrs. B you old fart! I’m just tellin’ you the news.”

[They both cackle.]

K: Well I have to go, the Priests at the Valley don’t have forever to get these packed in myrrh.

[They both cackle again, and Mrs. K. departs. Mrs. B. returns to scrubbing mewling cat.]

With apologies to Monty Python’s original pepperpot ladies:


Alltop loves a bit of penguin. Originally published in 2005.