Ask General Kang: Can I Be More Charismatic?

Absolutely, it is easy for you to be more charismatic, though you will never be as appealing as I am.

According to Professor Richard Wiseman (I’m not sure what he’s a professor of, but he’s British and his last name is “wise” “man”, so he must be a reliable source), 50 percent of charisma is innate and 50 percent can be taught. For some of us, it’s more like 90/10.

The good professor says charismatic people have three key attributes:

• they feel emotions themselves quite strongly;
• they induce them in others;
• and they are impervious to the influences of other charismatic people.

So, if you are naturally drawn to my finely chiseled face, and rendered speechless by my presence (as most of you are) then you are not impervious to the charisma of others.

However, you can train yourself to become inured to other magnetic personalities.

Stage One:
First, you must go to Germany. Then you must find a certain forest. Then, disguise yourself as a tree and wait for a strange naked man to come around and shout at you.

His name will probably be something like Dieter or Helmut, and he will mostly shout about the marital difficulties he’s been having of late.

Do not be drawn into this overt display of charisma. No matter how loudly he shouts, do not let yourself feel his strong emotions.

Just think to yourself, “I am a tree, I am a tree.”

Once you have mastered this technique, then you will be ready for Stage Two, when you disguise yourself as a banana tree in Utang, and I send a troop of relatives over to make sure you REALLY impervious to the charisma of others. (All my family is VERY charismatic, in a smelly brown kind of way.)

Next week: I am not familiar with quantum mechanics. Is there hope for my marriage?

Alltop loves quantum mechanics, and it’s marriage may or may not be there! This is a blast from the deep past of The Skwib. Originally published July, 2005. Inspired by: Charisma Science.