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Ask General Kang: Do you ever suffer from Twitter regret?

Ask General KangFoolish human!

You can’t, as the appropriately ordered phrase has it, have your cake and eat it too. (Most of you lower primates get that backwards.) If you are going to be a shameless performer on Twitter, then you don’t get to regret things not working out for you. So you asked a question an nobody replied. Your bon mot was ignored by the other drooling denizens of this backwards planet? Tough!

You must realize, pathetic hominid, that all social media is a kind of performance art. The purpose of which, is to communicate. At least, that should be the purpose. As far as I can tell, the best part of these naive technologies is that they allow you humans to socialize in new an interesting ways. But for most of you, the use of social media is about plumping your wretched egos.

This is bound to misfire. As a species you are young, untested, and prone to deplorable behaviors online. So, yes, a little regret is inevitable, especially lame attempts at humor that can be easily read out of context.

But do you ever regret something you’ve posted online?

I still can’t believe I’m doing this advice column. I used to be a frickin’ God-Emperor of an entire galaxy!

Alltop is the god-emperor of humor. Inspired by Twitter Regret: First Thought, Worst Thought.