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Ask General Kang: Do you pardon your followers, even if they did something wrong?

Ask General KangI would never pardon a follower if they did ME wrong, but if they made a “mistake” and were then penalized by the legal community, I might decide to save them from doing prison time — particularly if they’re a delicate primate who wouldn’t last very long in a prison population composed of heavier hominids with questionable sexual practices.

I once had an aide-de-camp, a ethically deficient über-chimp named “Pipper”, who was a consummate lickspittle. Pipper did everything I told him, no matter how demeaning or insane. I mean, I once asked him to take the Imperial Shuttle to Immersia VI to get me a shrimp-and-banana frappe in the middle of a close-fought battle with the Slug People of Neebie-neebie. (The Gorilloid-with-Fezes Brigade finally turned the tide of battle in our favor when they abandoned their signature broadswords for salt shakers.)

But Pipper was quite happy to get me the frappe, even though Immersia VI is an all-water planet, and he can’t even swim.

And then he was arrested for illegally wire-tapping a few of the other Imperial über-chimp’s phones. Now, technically speaking, he wasn’t allowed to do that, even though I’d ordered it, so he was convicted. He never ratted me out, so I kept him from being sent to the soap-dropping machine.

What if they do something wrong to you?

Let’s just say there wouldn’t be much left for the judicial system to convict.

Next time: Even though I’m thinking positive thoughts, this black hole continues to suck me into its event horizon — what am I doing wrong?

Alltop loves the soap machine! Originally published July, 2007. You read that right — 2007.