Ask General Kang: How do you deal with compulsive behaviour?

With technology and fear. On Prolonga XII (the homeworld of the Aphrodisiac Ascendancy before I invaded with my RoboChimp Legion) I had some trouble getting the native hominids there to actually do any work.

They were obsessed with it.

You know what I mean. So, to curtail their compulsive hominid humping, we had a “nookie inhibitor” implanted in all their brain stems. That didn’t work, so we went with public executions instead; that didn’t work either really, but at least that we got eliminated the least efficient workers.

Wait, I should have asked, do you mean eat-all-the-banana chips-in-the-bowl obsessive, or can’t-stop-thinking-about-the-babysitter obsessive?

I meant: can’t-stop-playing-a-computer-game obsessive.

Are you sure you don’t mean addictive behaviour?

Next time: Help, I’ve fallen into a quantum flux and I can’t get up!

Alltop is also addictive. Originally published Feb. 2, 2009.