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Ask General Kang: I believe my boyfriend is an alien. Do you think I should move in with him?

Ask General KangI guess it all depends on what kind of alien. If he’s like one of those friendly nice aliens — say Jeff Bridges in Starman — then I’d say go right ahead.

On the other hand, if he is like one of the aliens from Stargate, you know, the wormy guys that take over your body, then you might want to give it more thought. Eventually, he may need your body in a way you don’t find very appealing (such as giving it to his wormy alien girlfriend).

On the other foot, something about an alien like that is they are motivated. And forceful. Powerful even.

I know that women tend to like that in their guys, but then you have to understand that you’re not really in a relationship with your boyfriend’s body, you’re actually in a relationship with the six-inch tubular thing that inhabits his brain.

Of course, that’s the case for most human males anyway, isn’t it?

Next Week: I may have inadvertently started an intergalactic war with the Bleugzag Imperium. Do you think this might be held against me when I apply for college?

Further tubular delights can be found at alltop. Originally published December, 2008.


  1. Is Kang saying we’re all dicks? Thems fight’n words.

  2. I’d be angry but my worm says we have to search for naked pictures of Sarah Palin…

  3. My worm says “ewwwwww.”

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