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Ask General Kang: I may have inadvertently started an intergalactic war with the Bleugzag Imperium. Do you think this might be held against me when I apply for college?

ask general kangWow, good on ya!

I’d hold this against you if you DIDN’T report it on your application. Starting an intergalactic war takes a great deal of organization, planning, and above all, unbridled enthusiasm. (Though that can get you into all kinds of hot water, as my ill-fated expedition to the Ambartsumian’s Knot galaxy would tell you, if any of them had survived.)

The part that I MIGHT omit is the “inadvertent” bit. If the registrar of your college thinks that you’ve just started a war by accident, they might question your resolve and therefore believe that you might not be a good candidate for their fine institution. Most colleges are looking for go-getters with lots of smarts, and failing that, families with deep pockets.

So, definitely PUT the war with the Bleugzag Imperium on your application, but fudge whether you intended the hostilities or not.

By the way, where is the Bleugzag Imperium? You’re not having me on, are you?

Next week: A few weeks ago you suggested that I should move in with my boyfriend, whom I thought was an alien. Now, I’m pretty sure he’s a human, but I can’t get him to cut his toenails — help!

Alltop gets a humor pedicure every day. Originally published in October, 2005.