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Ask General Kang: I’m freaking out! I’ve just learned the earth will be destroyed by the sun. Is it true?

ask general kangYou can relax. I don’t know where you got your information, but our best scientists don’t currently think the earth will be destroyed by the sun.

In about 4-5 billion years, our sun will enter the red giant phase of its life; as it does so, its outer layers will expand to where the earth is now. However, we think that the earth will move out somewhat as the sun does, so it won’t be engulfed.

It will render earth uninhabitable by humans though.

Holy Crap General Kang! I don’t want to die like that!

Again, you can relax. You’re just a miserable human, so your lifespan is — at best — 100 years or so, well short of the time when this will all be a problem.

I, on the other hand, am a highly evolved primate with vast armies of robot-monkey scientists at my command. With any luck, I’ll still be alive to watch the show, and have someplace to go afterwards.

Next week: Is it wrong to put an alien creature in people’s ears so you can control their every action?

pirate therapy


General Kang appears several times in my new collection Pirate Therapy & Other Cures; you can win a copy in a Goodreads giveaway that ends May 15.

Add me as a friend while you’re there!

Alltop is already buying sunscreen. Originally published August 2005.