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Ask General Kang: I'm outraged by the movie 300! What should I do?

Ask General KangWell, I think the first thing you should recognize is that it’s a movie based on a comic book — not a philosophical or historical document trying to show that Iranians are all hermaphroditic, gender bending aficionados of body piercing.

No I’m not outraged about that — I can trace my ancestry back to the priestly Ephors.

And you’re upset because they’re portrayed as pedophilic traitors with bad skin and a questionable sense of personal hygiene? Well, again, this is based on a comic book, so don’t take it to heart.

Either that or you could do what I did when I saw Planet of the Apes — strap on your simian plasma weapons, and put together an armada of angry bonobos armed with electro-accordions and a bad sense of rhythm.

Just make sure they don’t take a wrong turn at the Lobster Neblula.

Next time: What should we do about this spitting problem here in China?