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Ask General Kang: OMG, the weather report says we're getting 50 centimeters of snow! What do I do?

Ask General KangFirst of all, calm your hairless hominid ass down! It’s snow, not nuclear fallout.

If they were calling for 50 centimeters of nuclear fallout then you might need to get worried — perhaps get your best Orangu-techs working on some kind of fallout suit that you can wear to ride out the ensuing mass extinction on your planet.

But you’re forgetting Kang’s Corollary. Murphy’s Law states: “Anything that can go wrong, will.”

Kang’s Corollary states: “Anything that can go wrong, will, unless the we can get the media to talk about it incessantly, in which case, something else will go even more horribly wrong.”

So, my guess is that if the weather report is warning you about 50 centimeters of snow, your odds of actually seeing it are small.

But 50 centimeters! That will bury my apartment building! Won’t that start an ice age?

[Sigh.] Fifty centimeters is about a foot and a half.

Once my gorilloid armada arrives you humans are toast.

Next time: I have the sneaking suspicion that my cat is part of an interstellar plot to prevent me from dating — do you know what I should do?