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Ask General Kang: What advice would you have for a leader who has got his country into a war without a plan for winning?

Ask General KangHmm, this is a very topical question. I can think of at least a couple of world leaders in this position.

Unfortunately, you’re well and truly fracked, as they say on the flight deck of the Galactica. (Which is a great TV show, but totally implausible. I mean what kind of intergalactic fleet of cyborg oppression doesn’t have plasma weapons? And I’ve yet to see a single tutu. You can’t fight a proper war without tutus.)

But as your ancient sage, Sun Tzu, said: “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”

So, you have to plan to win before you even THINK about going to battle. I learned this lesson the hard way when I invaded Edmontovia XIII without planning on how my army of fruit-loving, warm-weather chimps would deal with the harsh cold. Luckily, I did not commit all my forces, and I was able to retreat to fight again another day.

So that would be my advice. Regroup and fight another day. Or you could try slapping some tutus on your soldiers. That always helps morale.

Next time: I’ve just opened an ancient device of great and mysterious power. And my face seems to melting. Any advice?


  1. advice: sign this power of attorney for me and i will handle everything for you.

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