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Chilean company creates Slurm

Slurms MacKenzie drinks ewww, SlurmLA FLORIDA, Chile — A new cough remedy is available, and it’s made with snail slime.

According to the La Florida Bureau of the Edmonton Sun, the traditional remedy is called Karacoflu and is flavoured like strawberry, avocado . . . and, oh, right snail slime!

Maria Sannino, snail rancher, said: “I have more than 8,500 snails working, so we can get material for this ancient cough medicine recipe. The snail slime has antibiotic properties as well as antibacterial and anti-inflammatory ones.”

Some of the snails have complained about the conditions on the Sannino Snail Ranch, and are threatening to unionize.

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Snail medicine