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City council bans "overage" concert going

LONDON, ONTARIO (The Skwib) — In a bid to cut down on the number of middle-aged hipsters taking up valuable seats at the coolest concerts, the council of a Southwestern Ontario city has banned ticket sales to anyone over 35.

“It’s just for the hip concerts. Or the cool ones, whatever word the kids are using these days,” says Grod Fume, a controller on the London (Ontario) city council. “Anyway, we want to stop this ‘gruppie’ thing from happening here in London.”

Gruppies are 40-year-old (plus) men and women who look, talk, act, and dress like people who are 22 years old. They like to go to all the best concerts, and they are denying young people their birthright, says Pud Pinhole, another controller and sponsor of the new bylaw. (Controllers are councilors who also sit on the Board of Control.)

“It really should just be the youngsters that tick us off, not wannabe middle-aged hipsters,” Pinhole told The Skwib. “So we’ve decided to ban them from attending concerts of group deemed ‘cool’, according to our experts.”

The experts are a panel of high school, college and university students selected from all the most popular cliques in a private ballot.

‘Inspired’ by:

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| Gruppies among us


  1. Oh, boy. Next they’ll be banning Mick Jagger from Stones concerts!

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