Geishas strike, call for all women to curtail “wifely duties”

Tokyo, Japan (The Skwib) — Outraged by the comments of Crown Prince Naruhito, the Geisha union has gone on strike, paralyzing Japanese business and bedroom activity.

The prince wants to keep women off the Japanese throne. Because of a shortage of male heirs, he has suggested that the royals should consider bringing back concubines.

“We find the idea very objectionable,” Suki Suzuki, spokesperson for the Beautiful Japanese and Traditional Union of Geisha (BJ&TUG) told The Skwib in a media statement. “Traditional Geishas must train for many years to properly entertain gents at tea services and such. It is not proper for Crown Prince to suggest the bring back concubines, who do not train, and who have very bad posture.” *

BJ&TUG has also called for Japanese housewives to join them in their strike, suggesting that they curtain their “wifely duties” to persuade their husbands to put pressure on the royal family NOT to return to old practices.

In an email, Tokyo businessman Aki Tonahito told The Skwib: “sure, me have concubine wanting yes, me too, who not want? But new millennium is. Do we bring back old traditions in want to so much? What if seppuku? Then cut gut for bad deal made last week. No way. Besides, no intercourse at home or in teacup until Royal Family nonsense up the giving.”*

The Japanese royal family refused to comment.

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*Due to limited resources, The Skwib was forced to use an Internet service for the translation of these documents.

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