Never mind the 200-foot tidal waves and instant dry-freezing of Hollywood-style global warming, I’m freaked out by the prospect of psycho ivy.
A new study by Duke shows that poison ivy will soon be taking over our forests. Not only will there be a lot more of it, the poison ivy will be a lot more toxic. All because of our friend, carbon dioxide.
As the ivy evolves, no doubt it will discover that it is more effective to control our minds than it is to just make us itchy; my prediction is the poison that causes the poison ivy rash — urushiol — will start to contain psychotropic substances.
These drugs will convince the itchy, delusional victims of the psycho ivy to wear lots of leather outfits studded with bits of metal and hockey equipment. There will be an epidemic of massively spiked Mohawk hair, and blistered neo-savages will tool around the ivy-overgrown forests in ATVs, fighting it out in a post-apocalyptic world with tiny crossbows and morning stars made out of old Campbell’s soup cans.
Into this savage world a hero will come: Chamomile Max.
Inspired by: Global warming makes for itchier poison ivy
That’s scary stuff!
Birds like to eat the berries, so at least they will be happy.
Wait until you see what the berries do, though! 🙂 m.