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Woman arrested by irony cops after prayer goes awry

lightningDAPHNE, Ala. (The Skwib) — The ferocious thunderstorm was just the start of the problems for Ella “Faithie” S. Uplicant on Monday.

The storm whipped up while her family was at the beach. She was concerned about their safety, so Uplicant prayed for their safe return as the tempest ripped through Baldwin County, Alabama.

“I find that God usually helps me out in times of trial,” she told The Skwib in a phone interview from jail this morning, “so I just got down on my knees, and started prayin’, right there in the kitchen.”

Instead of the safe return of her family, what she got was blast of lightning, right up the Cuisinart.

While the lightning strike destroyed a large section of her linoleum floor, Uplicant was uninjured. She was, however, soon arrested by an Alabama contingent of the Irony Police.

Charged with a single felony under the “dangerously ironic faith” section of the Irony Code, Uplicant will go to trial next week.

“I don’t see how I did anything wrong,” she said after her bail hearing.

While the Irony Police do not have an official policy on the existence of God, their public relations officer, Bartleby Whimsy, told The Skwib: “We’re not saying that God exists, but if It does, It has a sense of humor more twisted than George Carlin.”