Category: Parody & Satire

A tall, strong and heavily muscled man enters the lecture hall; his nut-brown face is marred by a saber cut across one cheek. It has left a dirty, livid white scar that practically glows out of his dark face. He’s unkempt, his tarry pigtail falling over the shoulders of his soiled blue coat and his hands ragged and scarred, with black, broken nails.

He staggers noticeably as he walks up to the lectern, lets out a loud, sustained belch and then sings a snatch of song, drunkenly.

Billy Bones:

Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum …

He stops singing, and peers at the assembled class while he sways noticeably, his eyes are filled with an aimless, drunken, malice.

Billy Bones:
Ahoy mateys, and listen up, or I’ll be makin’ garters out of yer guts.

So ye think you’d like to go on account do ye? Become a Gentleman of Fortune?

We’ll, I’ll set you a straight course and tell you that the life of a pirate is no easy thing; mind ye, I’d have no other.

Teachin’ you feckless lubbers don’t compare with the freedom of the open seas, a black jack of rum in me hand, and a grand helpin’ of booty waitin’ at the end of the voyage. My name is Billy Bones, and I’ll be takin’ ye on a tour of yer basic piratical skills.

He unsheathes his cutlass, and slashes viciously at a rope holding up a projector screen. It unrolls, and clashes as the boom holding it rips away from the screen and hits the stage behind him.

Billy Bones:
Turn on the feckin’ projector will ye!

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