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Unfrozen caveman lawyer defends Marc Emery

Your Honour, I’m just a caveman. I fell in a crevasse, froze, and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me!

Sometimes your traffic makes me want to get out of my Range Rover … and run to the nearest Starbucks, or wherever I can find some decent sushi … Sometimes when I get an email on my Blackberry, I wonder: “Did little demons get inside and type it?” I don’t know! My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts.

But there is one thing I DO know — when a man like my client sells seeds of a plant found in nature, using only a website, the postal system and a multi-million-dollar grow operation, he has done nothing wrong. He should not be extradited to a foreign country, to be punished by those who are so alienated from Mother Earth that they cannot enjoy her fruits.

You might be thinking of a saying from my time: “never poke a mammoth in the eye, unless you had a way to kill him too.”

I say, sometimes the mammoth has to be poked, just so he won’t step on you. But what do I know? I’m just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me!

–With apologies for the early-90s reference, and to Phil Hartman, for stealing his bit.

Inspired by:

DEA asks Canadian government to extradite “Prince of Pot” Marc Emery

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