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...About the Emily
Chesley Reading Circle
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Memorial for Dr. Maximilian Tundra | ||
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Dr. Maximilian Tundra The Wit and Wisdom of Dr. Tundra |
The
Wit and Wisdom of Dr. Tundra
We have taken the liberty to select just a few emails from the vast repository of Tundranalia that we have at our disposal, to give you a better sense of the man. Fwd: Emily Chesley Subject: Fwd: Emily Chesley Dear Emily, We all knew that this could happen one day, that lama-like, Emily Chesley might one day return. However, there are a few questions we need to ask you, to see if you truly are the reincarnation of Emily Chesley. (Who, by the way, was named by her mother, the Thuder God of Cyber Space and the Squire.) What are your feelings about: 1) Patriarchal hierarchies Yours in gob-smacked anticipation, Dr. Maximillian Tundra emilychesley.com <in response to an email from a woman actually named Emily Chesley> -------------------------------------------------------------- Back to top^ Subject: Pointless drivel My esteemed colleagues, It will no doubt be a great shock and sadness to hear that I will not be able to attend our little reading night, as I am still on the other side of the pond. Luckily, I survived Uganda, and it seems to have frightened the peyote addiction out of my system. Unfortunately, Nurse Ballbeuster did not do as well. And let me state now, before you hear any reports to the contrary, that there is virtually no cannibalism in that fine country. Okay. Since leaving Africa, I have made my way back to England, where I have found employment in academia once again. (My license to practice medicine here was revoked in the late 80s.) I have dusted off my doctoral dissertation on the "Pychodynamics of Interstitial Wanking and Intercontinental Spanking" and parleyed that into a most gratifying position at the University of Bums on Seats (UBS), formerly Peckham Polytechnic. I currently hold the first Chair of Psychodynamic Masturbation, and in this exalted position, I have met quite a few fans for Emily Chesley and her Reading Circle. I will be sending along an official presentation with The Squire at tomorrow's meeting in regards to this august group. Hope all is well, Dr. Maximilian Tundra -------------------------------------------------------------- Back to top^ Subject: Re: The March Meeting --
a change of venue Cretins! Imbeciles! Sinners all! The season of doom is upon you. As go the dodos, so shall ye follow! Atque inter silvas Academi quaerere verum. The Rev. (Dr.) Maximilian Tundra, ------------------------------------------------------------- Back to top^ Subject: Reminders and abuse Chesleyites, As formal Secretary of the Emily Chesley Reading Circle, it is my duty to remind you that our next meeting is coming soon. (Friday, January 28) (Actually, I had no intention of doing any work at all, but that bastard Rayner [Squire indeed] said that if I didn't get off my ass and do something he'd: "propose an amendment to the Codex cutting me off so fast my head would spin." Ha! Like my head spinning is a problem -- right now I'm flyin' on about 20 ccs of methadone.) But to the business: Here are the suckers that volunteered to do something: Thuder: will do brief bio of Quentin Farkmee If you were annoyed about something, here are a few LOA suggestions from last meeting: · london hydro (sewer surcharge) A final note. Some genius suggested inviting a famous person to our next meeting. Any ideas whom we'd like to ask? (I assume you don't really want them to attend your soiree, and that you're looking for a letter to post to the web site.) Hey, are you really going to meet at Chaucer's again, what with Ben, and his pussy medley? Just asking, you miserable fuckers. Oh Nurse Ballbeuster, the prozac isn't taking . . . With all respect and deference, Dr. Maximilain Tundra ------------------------------------------------------------- Back to top^ Subject: Re: ECC--remarkable! Dear G. Frost, Thank you for your kind words about Emily Chesley. As you no doubt know, we are as "enthused and enthralled" about her too. As for the necrophilic urges you may have, we have, unfortunately, yet to locate Chesley's grave site. (Though we would probably not pass along such information to a professed defiler of the decaying in any case.) Once again, thanks for the kind words. Yours sincerely, <responding to: On Thu, 30 Dec 1999 14:26:11 -0500, gfrost@sensaphone.com> -------------------------------------------------------------- Back to top^ Subject: Re: 10 Things to Do With a Brand New Canoe Many thanks, OH Capitalist one. Your praise gives me a warm glow reminiscent of a fine 18-yr. Lagavulin. No, mustn't think of that! Ah, Nurse Ballbeuster does not administer the enjoyable punishments. That task is reserved for our lovely Italian psychologist, Dr. Philla Zio. In fact, I can hear her stiletto heels clicking down the hall as I write this. (Nurse Ballbeuster is dealing with Mr. Akio Tukyomamma, a star of the Japanese Sumo wrestling league and peyote-and-fish-paste circuit -- degenerate swine! I am unsure of how best to answer the suggestion of "Stupidist Business Book" -- I can't say that I know much of the "business" field, but if I can add any of my senseless sensibility I would be happy to do so. Must get in line for Dr. Zio now! Toodles, Max "It's not the pain, it's the intestinal bloat!" |
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