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Ask General Kang: How many Iraqis do we have to kill before we declare victory over the oil fields of the Middle East?

Ask General KangWell, you’ve had at least one serious go at the Iraqis before and you didn’t claim victory, so it’s doubtful that you’ll be able to do so this time … Unless you’re willing to take bold steps.

I had a similar experience back in the days BEFORE I became an evil galactic overlord, when I still thought of myself as a “freedom fighter”.

Of course, once I actually embraced my creepy (and somewhat musky) iniquity, I finally made some progress; first I wiped out the crack Wiffle-Bat-with-Electrodes Legion of the reigning dictator Blufnark the Batty, and then I took over the Simian Senate through guile, suasion and giving more backrubs to senile orangutans than I care to discuss.

But then I prevailed. And really, I didn’t have to kill that many citizens.

So my advice is go ahead, admit that you’re evil, and really just take over. Besides, Iraq is just one letter different from your own country’s name, so changing the maps afterwards will be easy.

Uh, I’m writing from the US

Oh … well, the map thing WILL be a challenge.

Next time: How often should I change the oil in my broken-down-yet-faster-than-anything-else spaceship? Also, how do you get the smell of Wookie out of suede?

Tip of the hat to Johnny Smoke for today’s provocative question.