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Ask General Kang: Is it okay to have a family of rodents living in your beard?

Ask General KangAh, I get this question all the time.

The answer is an emphatic no.

The rule is: vermin are permitted, but they have to be smaller than your pinkie fingernail (and non-toxic).

In social situations, rodents (mice, rats and voles especially) can be quite off-putting, if only because they eat the tasty creatures that can make for a nice grooming session.

Quite often I’ll get together with General Coco and Major Bonzo, and our respective spouses; once Major Bonzo had a swarm of killer bees hiding in his goatee, and this was a real damper on the evening. (He was a colonel before this incident.)

Next week: My spouse has mutated into a 12-foot Gila monster. How should I introduce him at social occasions?

Humor-blogs.com is rife with gila monsters. Alltop has a iguana problem.