Tag Archives | existentialism

A middle year satori

Beauty is relative by True_Bavarian
Beauty is relative, a photo by True_Bavarian on Flickr.

At a certain point in your life, you realize that you are who you are.

That isn’t to say that your life won’t change. Of course it will change. So will your personality, but not in big ways. If you’re an introvert, you’re not going to suddenly feel energized by hanging out with a room full of happy strangers who want nothing better than to engage you in mindless chitchat. And vice versa.

You may be able to change some of your habits, if you’ve got the willpower. Of course, if you don’t have willpower to begin with, you probably won’t be able to do too much about those habits, unless they’re going to kill you. That can replace willpower.

This is the stage at your life when you can be happy with who you are, if you accept it. But that’s the hard part of this process. You have to give up on some idealized version of yourself, and accept the being you are at the moment. You have to stop living in some perfect future, and hang out in the present.

But you can always get a new haircut.

Alltop‘s barber is a bonobo.

The perils of evolution

One day you wake up and watch the sun rise, ripe and scarlet over the savanna, and you know it can never hold you back.

The next, you’re unable to hold a conversation with other humans in the flesh, and you have the attention span of an unhinged hummingbird. Inside your head there are noises that would have terrified you before, on the plains, but now they are the background radiation of your mind. You’re surrounded by voices. Within this clamour there is only the silent pulse of a thought that never comes, an impulse suffocated by plenty, a drive misdirected by old mythology.

You long for the reality of stone, the scrape of grass on your bare legs, and the silence of nature, tooth and claw. You wonder if you should Tweet this yearning, but — hey, new Facebook interface!

Alltop used to hunt Facebook in the old days.