Failed EU putsch of dirndl industry

BAVARIA — The European Union has failed in its effort to take over the Bavarian Dirndl Works.

The attempted military coup of the largest dirndl-producing plant in Munich was foiled by the matrons in charge of the production line; their numbers were bolstered by a phalanx of lusty Bavarian barmaids, desperate to protect their traditional form of dress.

“Yah, ve not let EU Bureaucrats und deir girly-men soldiers take over plant,” said Heidi Schtuppen, spokesperson for the barmaids.

The dirndl is the traditional costume of a Bavarian barmaid, consisting of a dress and apron with a tight, low-cut top. The figure-hugging effect is enhanced by a short white blouse.

Recently, the EU passed legislation banning these plunging necklines to protect workers from “harmful” radiation.

“Theey say they vant to protect us from der sun, but ve think it’s about de . . . how you say . . . ogling of our assets,” Schtuppen told The Skwib as she leaned over to put more beer on our table.

“This is European law-making at its most pedantic,” said Munich’s mayor, Christian Ude, between pilsners. “A waitress is no longer allowed to wander round a beer garden with a plunging neckline. I would not want to enter a beer garden under these conditions.”

The team of EU soldiers, a crack unit of the French Reddition Corps, is being held in Munich at Der Vundergarden Beerhall & Prison, where they are being fed a steady stream of weißwürste, knödel, and sauerkraut. Their commander, Captain Jacque Courir, who escaped capture by running away early in the raid, has already launched an investigation into the treatment of his troops.

“It iz most un’umane,” said Captain Courir, “‘ze are not uzed to such ‘eavy food.”

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