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Professor Quippy: Study shows chicks dig displays of altruism by bleeding-heart nancy men

Professor QuippyResearchers at The University of Nottingham have proved conclusively that most men are complete dicks.

Dr. Tim Phillips and his fellow researchers have discovered exhibiting altruism and selflessness can be attractive in a potential mate. Women put a much heavier emphasis on this trait than men.

So not only do men not care as much about altruism in their potential mates, they are actually willing to pretend they are selfless so that they can score.

Oh wait, there also appears to be an evolutionary explanation for this phenomenon as well. According to the Science Daily story, Dr. Phillips said:

For many years the standard explanation for altruistic behaviour towards non-relatives has been based on reciprocity and reputation – a version of ”˜you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’. I believe we need to look elsewhere to understand the roots of human altruism. The expansion of the human brain would have greatly increased the cost of raising children so it would have been important for our ancestors to choose mates both willing and able to be good, long-term parents. Displays of altruism could well have provided accurate clues to this and genes linked to altruism would have been favoured as a result.

Then again, I’m worried about what the evolutionary effects of all this selfless, do-gooding behavior will have on the human race. How will we be able to defend ourselves when General Kang’s armada arrives? Then I found this study which suggested 10-30 percent of women actually reproduce with someone other than their mate, and let their altruistic mates raise the little bastards.

People, sometimes we disgust me. (Though I’m glad we’ll be able to defend ourselves from those broadsword-wielding, fez-wearing, gorilloids.)

humor-blogs.com and alltop both look good in a fez.


  1. ‘Women put a much heavier emphasis on this trait than men. ‘

    I think we’d just prefer huge knockers!

  2. I’m less worried about General Kang’s invasion than I am about how I’m going to get that hottie at the book store to sleep with me. If General Kang invades, then I’ll start to worry about the ramifications of an alien invasion on my chances to score with the hottie at the book store.

    Then again, if we’re all enslaved together, perhaps my chances will increase? So, it’s possible that an alien invasion could actually be a positive with regards to scoring with hotties.


  3. Maybe you’ll even get dragooned into the selective breeding program …

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