Martin Heidegger — A Seminar on the History of Human Civilization (slide 2)
I repeat:
- Being.
Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner
Festival!
The 142nd edition of the Carnival of the Vanities can be found at the Conservative Edge. And I never knew it, but I’ve always wanted a calculator to help me decide if it was worth the risk of spending money on a lottery ticket. Now there is one at Political Calculations.
Agent Kang, Trans-Dimensional Goof
We manage to get the translation close, and I only have a short distance to swim.
This is an excellent thing, because as familiar as I am with swimming — in aether, liquid, thought — the hominid form I’ve adapted seems to have a panic response to water.
But I am a higher life form; I can control the primitive adrenaline gland and its awful secretions. The tides are in my favor and I slide through the surf to the beach outside of a town the natives call “Hartlepool”.
I am on Earth soil, and my mission truly begins.
I have disguised myself as an Earth primate; I wear the strange coverings adopted by other important hominids on this backward planet. [picture]
Backwards. Yes, but the landmasses have proved impervious to penetration by our space-time wave-distortion apparatus. This is the closest we have gotten, and soon, I’m confident I will learn the secret.
On the beach I am accosted by two native primates, noticeably taller but less muscular than the disguise I wear.
“‘Allo, what ‘ave we here?” the tallest of them says, “it’s a monkey in a uniform.”
“Ooo, that’s adorable, it is!” says the other — a female of the species?
I ask them where I can find the device that prevents space-time displacement.
My translator vocalizes:
“Greetings. My am being Kang. Known, when I to appreciate them, the units of flesh-pie wormhole masticating barfundo.”
From their reaction I can tell the outgoing part of my translator is not functioning properly.
“The bleedin’ monkey talks!”
“That ain’t right!” says the male. With that, they run away. I follow — the locomotive ganglia of this disguise does not seem to be as well adapted to perambulation as the other primates.
Soon other hominds appear. They capture me, and I am questioned.
“Are you a spy?” one of the magistrates asks me.
Perhaps this planet is not as unsophisticated as we thought.
I dare not risk the translator again, and remain silent, and discover that they think I am French.
I am relieved. I may die, but we were right. They are backwards …
Inspired by: British Town’s Curious Simian Myth | Lost in Translation
Bratwurstmeisterschaft finds weiner
According to Annanova, the world’s first chocolate sausage has won the annual “sausage championships” in Berlin.
The winner of the title, Bratwurstmeister! [exclamation point is mine], is Joerg Staroske who says the delicacy tastes “surprisingly different.” Really? A sausage made of chocolate tastes “different”?
Too many jokes . . . head . . . caving in . . .
Brain föd
Zombies everywhere will be excited to learn that humans have discovered eleven ways to improve their brains.
Though these new brain-boosting regimes will result in bigger, meatier, more satisfying human brains, zombies should know that these bigger brains will make it more difficult to catch their cranial chow.
Here are a few suggestions to deal with the problem:
Smart drugs — though humans are using smart drugs such as modafinil to increase their brain power, they are still susceptible to traditional “dumb” drugs. The easiest way to satisfy your cravings for brain? Find humans looking to satisfy their munchies after an evening of drinking pilsner or smoking weed. You will find them much easier to catch (particularly important if you suffer from (creeping zombie syndrome).
Sleep — sleep is every zombie’s friend. Not only does sleep make a human’s brain much more healthy, effective, and tender, it also makes them easier to catch. Try catching them before they enter REM-sleep in the early hours. They wake up slower then.
Exercise — unfortunately, more and more humans have discovered that exercise improves not only their bodies, but their mental faculties. Your best counter to this? Numbers. Nothing takes down a burly human better than two- or three-hundred moaning, ravenous zombies. Sure, the athlete may get a few of you, but the odds are in your favour, and just think how good that toned grey matter will taste!
Puritan neocon whackjob list of bad books
I’m sure everyone is linking to the “10 Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries” thing, but I cannot . . . restrain . . . comm- . . . en- . . . tary . . .
I can agree with the first three: The Commmunist Manifesto, Mein Kampf and Mao’s Little Red Book, though I think there’s some merit to the Communist Manifesto in terms of helping create the field of economics. However, after that, all I can say is: WTF!
The Kinsey Report? Come on.
Even more telling — check out some of the “honourable mentions” on their list:
- On Liberty by John Stuart Mill
- Origin of the Species by Charles Darwin
- Coming of Age in Samoa by Margaret Mead
- Silent Spring by Rachel Carson
Yep. Except for the work by mass-murderers, what we got here is not a list of harmful books, but a list of books that a bunch of puritanical, anti-science, regressive, knuckle-draggers would like to ban first. Traditional libertarian values, evolution, anthropology, environmentalism . . . yep. All bad.