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Professor Quippy: One step closer to the monkey singularity

By on June 2, 2008 in Monkeys!, Odd Science

Professor QuippyScientists had a major breakthrough in the quest to achieve the technological singularity last week, as researchers at the University of Pittsburgh demonstrated robotic-armed killer monkeys.

Actually, they were using the robotic arms to eat bits of banana and marshmallows (the monkeys, not the scientists). According to the New Scientist: “The feat marks the first time a brain-controlled prosthetic limb has been wielded to perform a practical task.”

The rhesus monkeys were trained to use the arms with a joystick, and then their arms were restrained and they had to use their brains to control the devices. One of the monkeys was successful 61 percent of the time, and would often reach for another treat while he was chewing on the one he just got. (And with a 39 percent failure rate, I can see why. Poor little bugger was probably starving — not to mention a complete lack of protein in his diet.)

Robotic Pirate MonkeyNo word yet on what happened on those occasions when the treat did not get into the mouth of the monkey, but Rufus, the less successful at using the arms, was seen wandering the University of Pittsburg campus with an eye patch.

Getting us closer to the pirate singularity. (Pictured at right.)

You can read the story at the New Scientist Tech blog. More things accomplished by monkeys can be found here and here. Details about the Technological Singularity [wiki] are best ignored. Video evidence to follow:

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Professor Quippy: How would you like your robot apocalypse — in replicators or gray goo?

By on January 29, 2008 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyResearchers at the Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh are trying to kill us all!

Seriously, they are excited about a project they’re working on, the goal of which is to create “swarms of microscopic robots capable of morphing into virtually any form by clinging together.”

Seth Goldstein, who leads the research project says the goal is a distant one.

Seth, Seth, Seth, have you never read any science fiction? This little science project can only end one of three ways:

  1. you won’t be successful
  2. the tiny robots will start replicating themselves mindlessly, eating all living matter on Earth and covering it with gray goo similar to the kind found in Cloris Leachman’s strainer baskets
  3. the tiny robots will become self-aware, impersonate the human form, and proceed to run amok, destroying human civilization in an orgy of dispassionate, logical carnage (probably by turning their arms into broadswords and engaging in a grand human decranialization project).

According to the New Scientist:

Ultimately, Goldstein believes his claytronic robots may one day achieve this [higher intelligence], and much more: “I’ll be done when we produce something that can pass a Turing test face-to-face,” he says. “You won’t know if you’re shaking hands with me or a claytronics copy of me.”

Personally, I’m pulling for #1. No offense Seth.

Mark’s short story, Hounding Manny, (originally published in Oceans of the Mind, Fall 2002) is a touching childhood romp about the moon, bullying and gray goo. More romping (both gooey and childish) may be found at here.